I'm in a funk right now. I'm literally teetering on the edge of depression, I think. No matter where I am: home, work, church even - I want to be left alone and not bothered by anyone. I'm on the edge of tears almost constantly - especially when I'm left alone. Kind of a Catch 22, huh?
So, to pull myself out of this, I really need to concentrate on the blessings in my life. There are many, but of late, I sure haven't "felt" like it. So, to help me remember and to "feel" like I'm blessed . . . a list of at least some of my blessings, because I'm sure there are many many more:
1. God loves me!
2. God provides for me!
a. I have a roof over my head.
b. I have more than 1 vehicle in my driveway.
c. I have food in my pantry.
d. I have my health.
e. I have friends.
f. I have a job.
g. I have a faithful spouse.
h. I have 2 healthy children.
i. I even have the sweetest puppy on earth!
3. God has given me the love of music and the ability to sing praises to Him.
4. God put me in this country that has the freedom to worship Him.
So, why do I feel so "not-blessed"? It's partly because of poor decisions I've made, and thus I'm facing the consequences of those decisions. I've been trudging through this mire for 2 1/2 years now, and I'm growing weary. I've tried to keep God in the center of things and trust Him to walk with me through this mire. I know that I know that He has been right there with me the whole time, but I often take my eyes off of Him and try to do the trudging on my own. That's what I am doing again, and thus, the discontent and depressed, sad feelings I'm having.
God, help my un-belief, my un-faith, my un-trust. You promised that you work all things for good. I do believe that, I'm just weary that it is not happening sooner. You told us to ask for our heart's desires, so I'm asking you now to please relieve this burden that is upon me. Please help me to keep my eyes on You and to remember how You have blessed me in the past and that You always want what is best for me. Thank you for loving me, even when I have moments of un-belief. Help me to live moment by moment. This moment, right now, I have all that I need. Thank you Father God for all that I am learning - even though it is hard.
