Random Thoughts

Well, it has been a complete month since my last post about committing to a daily devotion. How have I done you may ask? Not so well. But, that's the great thing about God . . . He gives me another chance, and another, and another. I'm SO glad He does!!! Ok, so this daily commitment thing is a challenge, and a work in progress. I'm not giving up!



I heard a new song today that really touched me. It's called "Where"s the Line to See Jesus?"
It was written from a question that a child asked. At the mall, this child saw the line to see Santa and asked the adult family member with him where the line to see Jesus was. If it's Jesus' birthday, then where is the line to see Jesus? Now, go listen to the song. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OExXItDyWEY


OK - my brain is tired - I don't have any other interesting thoughts tonight.

That Quiet Place and Time

Do you consistently seek out that quiet time and place to spend just with God?

Honestly, I do not. I consistently have deep desires to; but I haven't made it a priority in my life. I can come up with a million and one reasons why it hasn't happened, but the real reason is that it isn't a priority. I make going to church a priority. I make serving in the church a priority. While those are good priorities to have in your life, they should take a backseat to the priority of building my relationship with Christ! So, why is it so difficult for me to prioritize spending time with God?

I think I have 2 main reasons: 1) Laziness - If I begin my day with the Lord, that means I'll have to get up earlier! I like my sleep! Or if I get up earlier, then I'll have to go to bed earlier to make up for that lost sleep and then I'd have to miss some TV (I'm being convicted just writing this down - it sounds terrible!) 2) Fear. Fear? Yep! What might I discover about myself? Things that I am not proud of. Things that I need to change - and who likes change? If I don't dig, then I won't be forced to see these things and actually make changes - right? But, what else will I discover? God's grace. God's mercy. God's love. God's blessing. Wow. It seems I really have more to gain by making this a priority than I have to lose.

So, I've been reading the daily devotions from the magazine "Journey" this month (not in the morning either, mind you). Although we are only 7 days into the month, I've already had some "light-bulb" moments. One of them came from Friday, November 5th's devotion. The scripture verse was Mark 1:35 "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark (my comment: and it IS dark when I get up!), He got up, went out, and made His way to a deserted place. And He was praying there". The writer of the devotion said this: "He was fully God, yet in His humanity He knew where to draw His strength from. He has offered us an example here for how to go into a purposeful, productive, busy day." She reminded us that Jesus had a busy schedule: teaching, preparing His disciples for ministry, meeting the needs of others . . . AND guess what? He didn't have forever to do this. He had a VERY short time to accomplish what He came to do. Sound familiar? I have so much to do and so little time to do it in! - Ever said that? Yeah, me too. She asked the question "If the Son of God needed to spend time in prayer with His Father, then what makes me think I can get by without it?" Whew! Light-bulb on!

So, I am going to put forth an effort to get up earlier and start my day in the Word and in prayer. I am asking that you pray for me as I work towards making this a priority in my life.

Psalm 143 was the "deeper walk" passage to read and study and pray about for this particular day. I'll let you go there on your own and do just that. I have.

Nine Months

Well, the day has come. My first born is engaged to be married. Yep, it's true! Where did the time go? It almost seems like yesterday when I came home to MY mom and told her I was engaged to be married. I now know what she must have been feeling. Excitement; a twinge of sadness; pride; a sense of satisfaction; a tightening grip on your heart . . .

She did well in her choosing. He's fun, funny, loves her, likes us, has excellent goals, loves the Lord, loves his Mom, is a good friend, is considerate, he asked us for permission to marry her . . . She did well in her choosing.

Tonight they want to sit down with us and his mom to nail down the wedding date (looks like July 30, 2011) and begin putting together the guest list and really start making some plans. I'm so thankful they want to include us in the planning. And I'm so thankful that in the pre-planning that her sister and I have already started doing, that she's very calm and has an open attitude to all suggestions. And while we realize they have the final say, it's just nice to have them listen to their parents. Maybe she's finally realized that mom does indeed know a little bit about what she's talking about - :o) Ha! (Finally!)

So, now that she'll only be living under my roof for 9 more months (that's how long I carried her in my womb), I know it will go by so very quickly. I am so aware every time I look at her and hug and kiss her goodnight, that it's another moment closer to her leaving us. And while I know I can always talk to her and will see her often, it's just not the same. She will be gone. A happy gone, yes, but gone none the less. I hope 9 months is enough time for me to adjust to this HUGE change that is about to happen to my life. I don't think that the 9 months I was pregnant with her really gave me the time I needed, so I'm pretty sure I won't be totally ready for this change when it happens either. I did adjust after she came into our lives, and I know I will adjust when she leaves - not our lives, but our home.

I love you very much, Erin Paige Hemric! You have been a wonderful blessing in my life!! I'm so very proud of you!! Enjoy this nine months of planning and anticipation - don't let it bog you down or stress you out. This is such an exciting time, make sure you enjoy the ride! It's only nine months long.

The Sweet Coconut

Well, for any of you who know me and my family, you know that "the sweet Coconut" is our dog. And you have to know and understand our "high-pitched dog talk" to get the full understanding out of this blog post!

Well, hims is the sweetest puppy dog alive! We all love him very much - especially Randy! Oh yes!!! (dream music) . . .



In 2006 Allyson wanted a dog for Christmas. I had put my foot down and said no way and gave her a loooooooooooong list of reasons why we were not getting a dog: didn't want the responsibility of a big dag again (we used to have a golden retriever); was NOT going to have a dog live in the house because of shedding mainly; and IF we had a dog in the house, we'd have to train him well; I didn't want a dog that would nip and scare small children; . . . you get the picture. Well, Allyson did her research. Everyday when I came home from work, she would have a different picture of a different puppy as my computer background (hint hint)!!! Ingenious, I must admit! Some of them were quite expensive - and that was a GREAT BIG NO! Well, she eventually found the Maltese: good with small children, do not shed, train well, etc, etc. She marked off every single reason from the list. Even the money one because she found this litter of puppies in Greensboro that were Maltese/Pomeranian mix and were only $300 - - which is pretty normal I found out. I kept telling her no, but I secretly emailed the woman. Randy and I went to Greensboro on Friday night when Allyson was spending the night with a friend (I think) to take a look at these puppies. Awwww - they were so cute!! All but 2 were solid white. One female and one male had some tan markings. The female was promised, but I really like the male with the tan markings. He kept playing with me after the others lost interest, and I liked the fact that he was not solid white - gave him some character!!! So, we put a deposit on him. Randy had taken the video camera that night and had videoed the whole litter, but also got video of just this one puppy. We made a DVD to give her on Christmas morning and told her that on our way back home from Ronda the day after Christmas, we would stop in Greensboro to pick him up. Excited was not the word!!!





She took very good care of him, and we took him to puppy training at PetSmart - it's really owner training :o). The hardest thing was getting that puppy house trained! Ugh! (I should have added that to my list of reasons not to have a dog in the house!) But I digress. . . He was so sweet. Fast forward . . .

Allyson left to go to college :o( and Coconut became our dog. Then in 2008 Randy was laid off and being at home all day . . . well, he and Coconut have bonded, shall we say, and become BEST BUDS! That dog has separation anxiety when Randy leaves - it's pitiful!! But hims is still the sweetest dog I've ever known!!! And he still gets excited when Allyson comes home!!

We bathe him probably more than we should, but I don't want my house smelling like dog. He doesn't really stink - even when he stinks - if that makes sense. Anyway, tonight was bath night because we're going to Grandma's tomorrow! Usually he runs and hides if you ask him if hims wants a bath, but tonight I began running the water (now, granted, he was in the bathroom with me with the door shut, so he couldn't go far) but when I asked him if hims wanted to take a bath, hims jumped right into the bathtub!!! I couldn't believe it!!! Ha! I knew he secretly liked the bath!!! :o) He has always liked the massage part of the bath (a dog after my own heart!!). So, hims is all pretty and smells good again - - like a fru-fru dog - ha! Yes, hims is a priss! But we love hims!!!

Butterflies - Part 2

I had no idea how much those yellow butterflies would end up meaning to me.

They were still around on Sunday. Sunday was a very emotionally exhausting day for me. We got to the Hospice Center and Daddy's nurse, Janice, told me he was different today. She had not really be able to arouse him. He "awoke" and wanted the blanket off of him, so I took that off and he kept pulling at the remaining covers. I removed the other blanket, then the sheet, then he began pulling the pillows out from under his arms and legs and trying to fling them away. He wanted everything off. He began pulling at this clothing and I finally convinced him to leave his clothes on. He settled back down and went back to sleep. Missy and I sat and watched him for a few hours, then Wendy, John, and Adam arrived. She tried to wake him to tell him they were there. She asked if he knew who she was, and he said, "Yes, Wendy." But then he was back out again. We basically just sat with him the entire day, although at one point, Wendy told him again that John and Adam were there. He said "Hello, Adam." So he knew we were there and he knew who we were.

Later in the afternoon, he became restless, and almost agitated. He began jumping "awake" - although he wasn't really awake - like something had startled him. At one point he also shouted "Catch me! Catch me!" We held his hands and reassured him we had him and that he was ok. He settled back down. Janice decided to give him something to help calm him. We held his hands for over an hour until we were sure he was calm. We again, just sat with him. Wendy, John, and Adam left about 5 to go home.

Missy and I stayed until about 10. Around 8:30 he began to start with the restlessness again. His night nurse, Bruna, gave him some more meds and we sat with him until we felt sure he was calm again. As I said, around 10 we left to go back tot he hotel. He was resting comfortably and his breathing was normal. Bruna promised to call us if there was any change.

At 7am Bruna called. Daddy had passed away. She said she'd gone into his room between 6 - 6:30 to turn him, fluff his covers, etc. and he was breathing normally, as he had been all night. About 30 minutes later when the aide went in to take vitals, he was gone.

I think Janice knew she wouldn't see him again before she got back on the schedule to work, but I don't think any of us believed he would be gone before Missy and I got back the next day. I'm so thankful he passed away peacefully.

The yellow butterflies were there again Monday, and Tuesday. Now, I'm sure these little yellow butterflies are there this time of year every year, but it was as if they were there to escort Daddy home, and to be a tangible reminder of the Lord's presence with us all.

I will always think of that special time of being with Daddy in his last hours whenever I see a yellow butterfly.

Butterflies

I'm in Wilmington visiting my Dad, and when I walked out of the hotel this morning to go over to the Hospice Center, I was greeted by these beautiful yellow butterflies - they were everywhere!! It was as if they were accompanying me to my car. I got to the Hospice Center and when I got out of the car there, there were even more and more - they were everywhere! The weather was beautiful this morning, and I don't know where these gorgeous butterflies came from or what made them all come out today, but I have watched them all day long out Daddy's window. I even took a stroll outside this afternoon in a memorial garden and was accompanied by them there.

You know the metamorphosis a butterfly goes through is a beautiful story of change. I sat and watched these beautiful creatures all day and was reminded of the change my heart and life went through when I came to know the Lord. He took this worm of a person and has transformed me into a beautiful creature. You see, I know I'm beautiful because He has told me I am. And today, these beautiful yellow butterflies have been a constant reminder everywhere I looked that He has always been in control and will always be in control. It was an extension of our short quiet time together this morning when He reminded me that I am safe in Him. His promise that no matter where I am, I can sense His nearness. I SAW His nearness in those butterflies today. He told me when I commune with Him in the garden of my heart that He and I are both blessed!

We have both been truly blessed today! Thank you, Lord, for the beautiful yellow butterflies and the reminder of your love and ever nearness to me.

Daddy

Daddy is dying. We all are to some extent, but over a year ago, Daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has fought with everything he has and over a year later is still with us; however, it is very obvious it is nearing the end. Exactly how close is anyone's guess, but 2 weeks ago he was brought to the Lower Cape Fear Hospice Center, and ever since then I've thought about this particular blog post and what I wanted to say. As I sit in his room watching him sleep, I am still not sure exactly what I want to say about the man who is my Daddy.

Vernon Allen Thomas is his name. He was born and raised in Roxboro, NC. My sister Missy and I learned - during a wonderful time with Daddy his 3rd night here - a lot that explained things we didn't understand through the years. Daddy's parents owned a grocery store and worked all the time. He had no oversight or much guidance in his growing up years. He bluffed his way through school and today considers himself illiterate. We were shocked - had no idea. He said because he couldn't read, he couldn't write and that's why he never wrote letters to us. He also said he thought that was why he had trouble verbalizing things he wanted to say. Since he struggled with how to express himself, he just didn't. We, unfortunately, took that to mean he didn't care - which is so far from the truth it pains me now. Because of this and then just getting bogged down with life, we let so many years slip away just from pure misunderstanding. His three girls are now trying to spend as much time with him as possible. A little late, but I hope appreciated. I know he loves us, and we love him.

The big struggle through this is that his wife is so very angry. We are not sure what that anger is rooted in, but she's angry with us, with the Hospice staff, with Daddy, and maybe even herself, I don't know. I really struggle here because we don't know how to help her. I can only pray for her and let the professionals that deal with this type of thing do what they do best and hope that some of that will help.

Back to Daddy . . . he was a good provider for us. We never lacked for anything. He said he regretted not being around more for us. Maybe he wasn't there as much as he should have been, but I do remember him helping coach my softball team one year. Our coach was going to be late for a game and Daddy warmed up the team. He actually HIT balls into the outfield - our coach always threw them out there. Those things came at me like bullets! Ha! I remember in the dugout he said "All right girls, 3 up and 3 down!" I'd never heard that before and thought that meant to run real fast!!! Ha!! Ha!! I do know what it means now!

I also remember him taking me (when I was in the 7th grade) to see Donny Osmond and The Osmond Brothers in concert at the Dorton Arena in Raleigh! Oh - what a great night! I did not realize what a sacrifice that was until years later when my 2 girls wanted to go see NSync in concert. I wanted to shoot myself sitting among all those screaming pre-teens. Aauugghh!! I called Daddy the next day to thank him for taking me to see the Osmonds all those years ago. I'm sure he must have been in much more agony than I had been with my girls! He just laughed and said he wouldn't have missed doing it! :o)

I remember how he could never pronounce my oldest daughter's name - Erin. He always said it like "urn". She couldn't understand as a child why he couldn't pronounce her name! Ha! I cherish the pictures of the summer we came to the beach to visit and he took the girls fishing! It brought back my own memory of fishing with him off the pier at Holden Beach when I was 6 or 7 and I caught a spot. "I catched me a fish!!" I thought I had a huge fish!! I wanted Mama to cook it! When she wouldn't I had to save it and take it to Red Springs to show Graham King, a friend of the family. As soon as Graham saw it Mama made me throw it away - - can't understand why!! Ha!

Daddy was never a church goer, but I remember him showing up to church whenever Mama sang a solo. I sing too. Mama said I should bring something of me singing for him to hear because it's probably been awhile since he's heard me sing. I got to thinking about it. I'm not sure he's ever heard me sing. I brought some stuff this weekend with me. I hope he'll be awake and alert enough at some point during the weekend that I can share it with him.

When Randy, my husband, first came home with me, Daddy showed him the freezer where his frosted mugs for beer were. He told Randy he was welcome to anything in the house, but to leave those alone!! Those 2 had a common bond in loving to play golf. When Randy came to visit me on the weekends, Daddy always took him off on Saturday to play golf. Well, that was 1/2 my weekend, so I'd go with them! I walked many a course with those 2!!

I find myself thinking about life in general during these days. Life, how we live it - death, how we face it. I am so very thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ! It has proven to be so true that He will comfort you, carry you, give you peace, fill you with a calm, that only He can do and only knowing Him can explain it. I'm OK with Daddy's pending death, because I have a hope in Jesus. I know that the Lord is with Daddy and helping him through this transition. I feel that Daddy has a peace about dying. He has shared that he has made his peace with God. I wondered exactly what that meant, because I have not seen the type of fruit in his life that you might expect when one comes to the Lord. I had a friend share with me a similar concern regarding her father. A pastor told her not to get hung up on what you think that might should look like. Be comforted in the fact that he shared he is at peace. I took that as a confirmation to do just that.

Daddy - - a little girls prince and hero - - a big girl's comfort - -

I love you Daddy! I'll miss you when you are gone!

"Broken Hallelujah"

Are you familiar with the song "Broken Hallelujah"? Mandisa recorded it, but I heard it for the first time as part of a choral Christmas Musical. OH MY GOODNESS! See, this is one reason that I love music so much. When I can't figure out how to express my feelings, there is an anointed songwriter somewhere that has done it for me! I can then take his/her words and claim them as my own!

My heart has been so heavy and burdened lately. Randy is still unemployed, his unemployment has been exhausted, the bills haven't stopped, my Dad is entering his final weeks/months of life as he is battling lung cancer, I watched him as he fell off his deck - such a helpless feeling. I was slipping back into discouragement. Several friends and I went to Spartanburg, SC this week to Choral Festival. Everywhere I turned, I was reminded of God's promise of provision! I was reminded that my God would come! Actually, that my God has been with me all the time! Tears flowed many times over the last few days - not because of my circumstances, but because my God was there reminding me that He was with me. That He was in control. That He was faithful. I choose to praise Him no matter what - even if my praise is somewhat broken. Read the words to "Broken Hallelujah" below. This is where I am today . . .

With my love and my sadness,
I come before You, Lord.
My heart's in a thousand pieces,
maybe even more.
Yet, I trust in this moment
You're here with me somehow.
You have always been faithful
So, Lord, even now

When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise,
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins,
and I will worship You and give You thanks.
Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah.

O Father, You have given much more than I deserve,
and I have felt Your hand of blessing on me at every turn.
How could I doubt Your goodness, Your wisdom, Your grace?
So, Lord, hear my heart in this painful place.

When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise,
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins,
and I will worship You and give You thanks.
Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah.

I lift my voice. Your Spirit moves.
I raise my hands. I reach for You!
Hallelujah!
and I will worship You and give You thanks.
Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
(words and music by Gina C. Boe, Ronnie C. Freeman, and Tony Wood)

Amazed and Proud

So, I'm a little slow in my posts, yes, but I am going to try to better!

I have discovered that my two daughters both have blogs as well. This is why I am amazed and proud . . . So proud of the women of God they have both become; and So amazed at how that happened! If they look to me as an example of how to be a great woman of God, I'm afraid they have a sore example. I know they've had other women examples in their life, and for that I am so grateful! I would like to think my example had some good influence on them, but I know in my heart how short I've fallen in that example.

Now that they are both adults, it is very true that the mother/daughter relationship changes! They are great fun!! Not that they haven't been fun before, but it's on a more equal level now. I enjoy spending time with them and their friends, and I hope they like it too! I want to be that Mom that they can always feel like they can call with anything; i.e. the funny thing that just happened to them, the problem they are facing, just to say hi, . . .

In spite of me, they have turned out to be exceptional young women! Thank you, Lord, for helping me teach and guide them. And thank you for loving them even more than I do - although, I can't comprehend that much love!

I love you Erin and Allyson!! I'm proud to be your Mom!! (yes, I'm crying)

A Thankful Heart

Well, not off to such a good start blogging, am I. August to January? I didn't want to put anything out here that was nonsense, so I've put nothing - until now.

I was reading an article in HomeLife magazine and the interviewer asked "What is God doing in your life right now?" I've heard that before in other articles, from the pulpit at my church, in Bible studies. . .and I've always thought I had nothing to share to answer this question. Most likely because I wasn't paying attention, or I wasn't tuned in, or maybe He wasn't working in my life - that was scary to me. Has He given up on me and said I'm not going to work in her life anymore? Well, of course not. Thank goodness, God doesn't give up on us! I'm sure it was one of the other reasons.

I can honestly say now that God is currently working in my life to teach me about being content with what I have been given and to truly trust Him with every aspect of my life. October 2008 began this lesson when my husband was laid off - like so many other people have been. To be honest, I was quite scared when this happened because it had happened before. Before he was very fortunate to find new employment right away, but at a lesser pay. It sent us into a financial whirlwind that left us thinking we had no other option but bankruptcy. Oh how wrong that was - but I couldn't see it at the time. So this time I was, yes, worried. But this time I immediately began seeking the Lord and asking Him to guide us through what we needed to do and also asking Him to give me the strength to trust Him.

We listened to advice - Godly advice this time - from others in the church that had gone through a similar time. I took a budget course through my church, and began putting a plan together. All the while, seeking God and confirming that I was on the right path this time. If you'd told me we would still be current on all of our bills 18 months later with Randy still looking for work, I'm not sure I would have believed you. There are many times I look at what is coming in compared to what is going out and wonder how God makes it work - and still have a little bit left over! He is an AWESOME GOD!!

In Malachi, God talks to us about tithing. He says "Try me now in this". I wanted to be obedient to Him in tithing, but asked Him how it could happen? He placed a figure upon my heart and said "Connie, be obedient in this amount and I will bless you". He also reminded me of Matt. 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. (and this next part is important) Are you not much more valuable than they?" He has promised to provide for us. And boy has He! We have had plenty to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads and keep food on the table, and even to give to others.

I am still in a learning curve right now, and, yes, I am still having moments when I'm ready to be done with this lesson and to be able to go out and buy whatever I want - - but the lesson is not finished yet because I am still learning how to be content with what I have. I am still learning that He provides for me every day and in everything. I am also still learning that He has promised to take care of me TODAY. That's all we have anyway, isn't it? We are not promised tomorrow. Today is what we have been given, and He has taken care of me today. I am so thankful that He has!