Daddy

Daddy is dying. We all are to some extent, but over a year ago, Daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer. He has fought with everything he has and over a year later is still with us; however, it is very obvious it is nearing the end. Exactly how close is anyone's guess, but 2 weeks ago he was brought to the Lower Cape Fear Hospice Center, and ever since then I've thought about this particular blog post and what I wanted to say. As I sit in his room watching him sleep, I am still not sure exactly what I want to say about the man who is my Daddy.

Vernon Allen Thomas is his name. He was born and raised in Roxboro, NC. My sister Missy and I learned - during a wonderful time with Daddy his 3rd night here - a lot that explained things we didn't understand through the years. Daddy's parents owned a grocery store and worked all the time. He had no oversight or much guidance in his growing up years. He bluffed his way through school and today considers himself illiterate. We were shocked - had no idea. He said because he couldn't read, he couldn't write and that's why he never wrote letters to us. He also said he thought that was why he had trouble verbalizing things he wanted to say. Since he struggled with how to express himself, he just didn't. We, unfortunately, took that to mean he didn't care - which is so far from the truth it pains me now. Because of this and then just getting bogged down with life, we let so many years slip away just from pure misunderstanding. His three girls are now trying to spend as much time with him as possible. A little late, but I hope appreciated. I know he loves us, and we love him.

The big struggle through this is that his wife is so very angry. We are not sure what that anger is rooted in, but she's angry with us, with the Hospice staff, with Daddy, and maybe even herself, I don't know. I really struggle here because we don't know how to help her. I can only pray for her and let the professionals that deal with this type of thing do what they do best and hope that some of that will help.

Back to Daddy . . . he was a good provider for us. We never lacked for anything. He said he regretted not being around more for us. Maybe he wasn't there as much as he should have been, but I do remember him helping coach my softball team one year. Our coach was going to be late for a game and Daddy warmed up the team. He actually HIT balls into the outfield - our coach always threw them out there. Those things came at me like bullets! Ha! I remember in the dugout he said "All right girls, 3 up and 3 down!" I'd never heard that before and thought that meant to run real fast!!! Ha!! Ha!! I do know what it means now!

I also remember him taking me (when I was in the 7th grade) to see Donny Osmond and The Osmond Brothers in concert at the Dorton Arena in Raleigh! Oh - what a great night! I did not realize what a sacrifice that was until years later when my 2 girls wanted to go see NSync in concert. I wanted to shoot myself sitting among all those screaming pre-teens. Aauugghh!! I called Daddy the next day to thank him for taking me to see the Osmonds all those years ago. I'm sure he must have been in much more agony than I had been with my girls! He just laughed and said he wouldn't have missed doing it! :o)

I remember how he could never pronounce my oldest daughter's name - Erin. He always said it like "urn". She couldn't understand as a child why he couldn't pronounce her name! Ha! I cherish the pictures of the summer we came to the beach to visit and he took the girls fishing! It brought back my own memory of fishing with him off the pier at Holden Beach when I was 6 or 7 and I caught a spot. "I catched me a fish!!" I thought I had a huge fish!! I wanted Mama to cook it! When she wouldn't I had to save it and take it to Red Springs to show Graham King, a friend of the family. As soon as Graham saw it Mama made me throw it away - - can't understand why!! Ha!

Daddy was never a church goer, but I remember him showing up to church whenever Mama sang a solo. I sing too. Mama said I should bring something of me singing for him to hear because it's probably been awhile since he's heard me sing. I got to thinking about it. I'm not sure he's ever heard me sing. I brought some stuff this weekend with me. I hope he'll be awake and alert enough at some point during the weekend that I can share it with him.

When Randy, my husband, first came home with me, Daddy showed him the freezer where his frosted mugs for beer were. He told Randy he was welcome to anything in the house, but to leave those alone!! Those 2 had a common bond in loving to play golf. When Randy came to visit me on the weekends, Daddy always took him off on Saturday to play golf. Well, that was 1/2 my weekend, so I'd go with them! I walked many a course with those 2!!

I find myself thinking about life in general during these days. Life, how we live it - death, how we face it. I am so very thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ! It has proven to be so true that He will comfort you, carry you, give you peace, fill you with a calm, that only He can do and only knowing Him can explain it. I'm OK with Daddy's pending death, because I have a hope in Jesus. I know that the Lord is with Daddy and helping him through this transition. I feel that Daddy has a peace about dying. He has shared that he has made his peace with God. I wondered exactly what that meant, because I have not seen the type of fruit in his life that you might expect when one comes to the Lord. I had a friend share with me a similar concern regarding her father. A pastor told her not to get hung up on what you think that might should look like. Be comforted in the fact that he shared he is at peace. I took that as a confirmation to do just that.

Daddy - - a little girls prince and hero - - a big girl's comfort - -

I love you Daddy! I'll miss you when you are gone!